Here We Go!

 There have been a lot of changes since I have last shared pieces of my life. The first change is that my Facebook Page got disabled the day after I bought a new phone. It was weird. I hardly post anything on there. I’m mostly on there for school stuff, my photography business, photos and keeping in touch with my family. The only thing I could think of is that I joined a bariatric site and somehow, someone didn’t like it. 

The second change in my life is that I’m working on losing weight. My goal weight is 130-135. I am currently at 282.2 as of today. My starting weight was 287.5. I am waiting for confirmation that I can undergo bariatric surgery with the gastric sleeve. This has been weighing on my mind for a long time and I think that I can fulfill that need now. I am very excited and nervous for what this journey will bring. I am excited because I have a wonderful support system. My family is on board in helping in me and my best girlfriend has had it done so she is in my corner too. My husband is not as supportive because he doesn’t think that I can do it. I plan to disappoint him in that area because I know that I can.

I have been obese since before I was 10 years old. The spring before my 10th birthday, my mom introduced me to weight watchers. For my sister’s 8th birthday, I got a weight watchers boston cream pie instead of the cake that everyone else was eating. This starting my battle with gaining and losing weight. It also started my battle with food addiction and emotional eating. It has been a long agonizing path that I have take in the past 33 years. I wouldn’t change anything about my journey to the weight I am today. If I had changed anything, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Now that my kids are all grown up and I am working on taking care of myself more, I am eating better and starting to work out in my little garage gym. I’m drinking more water. I am feeling better about myself. Because of that I am confident that I can achieve success with the gastric sleeve bypass. 

I know that I will always have the temptation to buy and eat the foods that I don’t need or shouldn’t have. I also know that I am gaining a higher tolerance to not buy it or eat it. Because of this, I believe that I am a good candidate for this surgery. I am ready to get going. Hopefully this referral is going to go through quicker than it has been so far. I’ve been waiting for a month already for the referral to go through. THe doctor’s office is slow at getting referrals out because of the fact that they didn’t have any referral technicians that are able to work on them. This is the frustrating part because I want to get this going. 

So this is me, I hope you have a fantastic day!

WOW!

 It has been a long time since I have posted. Since that post, I didn't pass my first semester of nursing. But that's okay. I think that it is important to remember that it just wasn't meant to be at that time. I will be returning in the fall. This excites me because I will be much more prepared and I know what I am going in to more in the fall. My mental health took a bit of a turn for the worse after my last post. Thankfully, I was able to get some medication in and am doing much better on that front now. I am learning to prioritize and schedule things a little better. This is a very tough step because. My husband is still struggling with his depression side of the bipolar realm. Some days are rougher than others. I am very thankful that I am able to have some friendly support now. This is quite helpful to me. I'm glad that I have an amazing group of women that can come around me and let me vent and pray with me and advise me in issues that I'm having a problem with. 

My photography business is still thriving by word of mouth. I have changed the name to match the name of my blog and I will be starting to post photos for sale. My daughter bought me some awesome cards that are thematic for photos. I am excited to take them out and start using them. I also plan to work on perfecting my shoots. 

I know it's not much of an update. But that is it. Have a fantastic day!

Today

 I’m really struggling today. The weight of the world as a mom, wife, student, employee and unofficial counselor to many is weighing me down a lot. I want the best for those around me. However, today, I feel I’m failing as all of the above. I also feel like I’m failing myself today. As I sit here in my livingroom taking a break from studying to make breakfast for my husband and I, I feel defeated. The blanket of depression is falling on to me today. It is heavy. This isn’t how I wanted my life to go. I wanted to be happy. I wanted a husband who would care for me, love me for me, and want to do things for me. I didn’t want a husband who is bipolar, can’t function most days, depends on me for actual meals and a clean house, and doesn’t understand my dream. 

But here I sit. Day after day. Moving forward with hopes of a meaning even though the meaning is like a horse walking through mud. Here I sit, when all I want to do is study and be successful as a nurse and have the support in life that I deserve. Here I sit with tears in my eyes because as I write this, I see how much truth is being pulled from my mind. Day after day it feels like I’m moving backward instead of moving forward. Weights continually added to my blanket pushing me further and further under. 

Here I sit tiptoeing around the house in hopes not to wake him so I can get something done. Feeling guilty for having to study because it means I don’t spend time with him. Working to pay bills and feeling guilt for that too. I can’t make it stop. And the worst part; it will never end. It will continue to turn in the vicious circle like it has for the last 20 years. It will never end because he needs me. But... Here I sit. Day after day. Trudging through the day like a horse walking through the mud....

HI!

 I can't believe that it has been over a year since I have posted last. There has been so much that has happened. Especially since this whole COVID-19 has started. Frist off Covid hit and we had to cancel our oldest daughter's surprise birthday party. We graduated college. I graduated with my Medical Assisting degree with a minor in Medical Coding. My husband got a certificate for Medical Coding. Our youngest graduated high school. That same day, her best friend died in a horrific car accident. A week later, one of her classmates committed suicide. She then decided not to go to college. She moved in with some of her friends and has been with them since. Our son moved to another state to pursue a job at the same company that my brother in law works at. They are now paying him to go to college to become a professional electrician. The day he left, our cat, Tigger went missing and we haven't seen her since. 

I got accepted to nursing school. It has been an interesting struggle. I am struggling to find my groove in school but I'm barely making it too. Our oldest went back to her old college but decided to participate online rather than travel to the college. She has decided to not continue with college after this semester, move to California, and pursue a career in singing. Please pray for her. 

I think that you are all updated now. I hope you have a fabulous day. 

Why do Photography?

I have run my own photography business for about 5 years now. Maybe longer. At this point it is at a when wanted manner. If someone wants photos done, I'll do them. I really enjoy photography. I love taking photos of nature, animals, and people. I'm good at it.
BUT!!! There are so many "photographer's" out there now that it is hard to distinguish between the professionals and the amateurs. The professionals are the ones who went to school for photography and who are very experienced in what they do. They have been professionally taking photos for many many years. The amateurs are those who have been told that they take amazing photos and just try to make a profit from it. I'm a little of both. I have taken the classes but don't have the certificate. I also have been doing this for a long time.
Does this mean that I'm going to quit because there are so many photographer's out there? Nope! Not happening. As a matter of fact, I support the other photographers out there and encourage them and praise them and help get them more business. For me, I am in an as you need me mentality.
I'll keep doing it but it won't be my main way of making money. Here is a sample of what I have done in the past.

If you are on Facebook, check out my page: Northern Maine Exposure. It has a cute Yorkie on the front.

How do you Clean your Carpets?

When my kids were little, we researched high and low for the best vacuum on the market. My mother in law had a Rainbow Vacuum. It was great but I hated using it because I had to always empty the water from it. This is what it looks like :

 Photo courtesy of home depot

What I really like about this one is that it had scents that you could add to the water to make your whole carpet smell better. It sure did help with emptying the canister after vacuuming too.

When the motor in that died, we continued to look for a good reliable vacuum. One that would last us a long time. We used regular canister vacuums, but they seemed to be dying a year or so after we had bought them.

Our final purchase vacuum was a Dyson DC33 vacuum. It has been the best vacuum we have ever had. This is what it looks like : 

 photo courtesy of Amazon

We have had this vacuum for over 10 years now. It has been the best vacuum ever! My favorite part about this vacuum is that it can come apart in many different sections to find out where a clog could be. The filters are machine washable. The wand is great for reaching high places. The hose is replaceable if you need to replace it. It's awesome. Any issue we have had with this vacuum, it has been easily fixable and parts are cheap.

If you ever need to invest in a vacuum, choose a dyson. You won't be disappointed!

Grammy's Cookies

When I was younger and my grandmother was still alive, she would make the most amazing food. Her chicken stew was to die for. Turkey dinners and mashed potatoes were delicious. My favorite, always, was the desserts. There would be pies and cakes, and brownies, and cookies. My absolute favorite was Raisin filled cookies. I have sworn that I will never taste another Raisin filled cookie, ever again. And so far I haven’t. I don’t think that any one could compare to Grammy Jo’s rasien filled cookies. As I told you earlier, I am making a delicious dinner tonight. I am also making my dad’s chocolate chip cookies. 

My dad is an amazing man. He grew up by the river as the oldest of nine children. He, in my opinion, is my hero. He always took care of everyone. When we were young, he would make sure that we would visit my grandparents often and have fun doing it. He is a retired Air Force Sargent. He is now one of the most amazing custodian/bus drivers that our town has ever had. My dad takes time for everyone, even though some times people don’t realize it. He makes the most amazing molasses cookies. Now… I don’t have the recipe for these. Nor do I want them. He is the only person that makes the most absolute perfect molasses cookies I have ever tested. Nobody else has compared, except my grandmother. I’m pretty positive that my dad gets his cooking skills from his mom. I really wouldn’t doubt it. I do however, have his chocolate chip cookie recipe. I have never tasted a chocolate chip cookie recipe quite like his either. They aren’t caky and they really just taste divine. I can’t really explain it. It is a simple recipe too. You just mix all the ingredients and cook it for 8-10 minutes or until the edges are brown and the middle looks cooked. It’s the most simple chocolate chip cookie ever...

 

 

 

If you find that you want to try these cookies and you like them too, leave me a comment.

 

Have a fabulous day!